I had a little break from the Observe course to finish doing Experience for a second time. Especially during my rehearsal period for Le nozze di Figaro I found it very helpful to just calm down and meditate between rehearsals. Even when I was tired, I was able to stay focused. I could feel a change in myself: I wasn’t judging myself so harshly anymore, I would stand behind my opinions and I could perform my part convincingly, but I was also a good colleague and open to new ideas. All in all I felt more like a professional. Unfortunately our performances got cancelled because of the ongoing pandemic.
This week I started with Observe again. I’ve noticed that there are days when taking that half an hour feels like the biggest challenge ever. I’m proud of myself though: the past two or three nights I’ve also meditated before going to sleep and I feel like my sleep has improved because of it. This week I’ve been doing deep breathing in 15min lots twice a day. I’ve been feeling stressed out and focusing on breathing has been helpful.
I feel like after several months of meditation practice it’s quite easy to recognize when my thoughts wander to the future or to the past. I don’t dwell in the past quite like I used to. I’m feeling oddly calm about how the covid pandemic has basically taken every work opportunity I’ve had this year. But there’s no point wasting my energy in something that I can’t control. After hearing bad news I’m giving myself the permission to freak out: I’m still a human being and disappointment and panic is a very normal reaction to what I’m going through. However, I’ve also had some beautiful experiences in this past week: I’m organizing my very first CD recording and I had the opportunity to test the acoustic in the hall where I want to do the recording. Singing in that hall with my pianist was an incredible, uplifting experience which I will cherish.
Now that I have the time, I’m also thinking about what I really want from my life. I would like find other ways to use my artistic voice and vision.