This week (starting on January 4th) I’ve been doing 30min sessions in one go, with level 1 technique (lower your breath). I wanted to go back to the beginning because I feel like I need to make things more simple. It’s been very challenging to sit for 30 minutes at a time, my concentration seems to go naturally in 10min cycles. But so far I have managed and now that I have the time, I will commit to this.
I noticed today something about my thinking patterns that has changed, and I think it’s because of my meditating. I have always been the type of person who has felt the need to apologize for who they are. It’s a habit I’ve learned and one that’s hard to get rid of. My whole life I have felt incredibly guilty if I disappointed somebody. My childhood I used to avoid doing anything that would cause that feeling – later as a young adult I have realized that I should be able to express myself freely, but I have felt guilty afterwards. Today I was having a conflict but I realized that I wasn’t being emotional about it – I was alright with disagreeing with my partner. I wasn’t insisting that we both think alike. I was clear about how I felt but where as before I would’ve felt guilty about that, this time I was totally okay with it. This is a very, VERY big step for me, I’m rewiring myself.